Truth is, even though we where happy together for the majority i think that something changed for her and i'm not sure what. When we broke up i realised the relationship maybe wasn't right for me either but it doesn't mean i don't still care about her. Thats whats getting me, i've fully accepted and i'm okey with the fact that we aren't together anymore. I mean i never expected it to be like that but it's just how i'ts worked out. But its the fact that we went from everything and close to her dropping me like i ment litrally nothing to her, and i know that she would be able to see what that would do to me. After all she was the girl who renewed my trust that not everyone is an arse who is going to drop and run. Then she was the one to smash it. I'm thankful for the time we got together because it really was the best years spent, i have no regrets about any of it. Its the promises and the break of trust that i'm struggling with right now. I'm ready to move on, not into another relationship i don't think because what i want in that respect is differen't right now. Trying to translate what is going on is turning out as gibberish. What hit me last night was nothing more than lonliness when she used to be the person who would fill it but, if i think about it then i didn't pine for her. I thought about her but i didn't wish she was there with me. Thats a big thing really it threw me because i'd gotten used to missing her. Where she used to be the one i wanted there was the acceptance that i'm on my own now which doesn't terrify me like it used to. I'm interested for the whats next, not usually one for moving through things and processing them this well but its good. Means i'm finally stable enough in myself to cope without going into a complete melt down. If her next girl doesn't treat her well i will put them through a wall, she has a good heart and she always did, regardless of mistakes.

 “Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever finally comes to realise that nothing really belongs to them.” 

― Paulo Coelho