I'm not sure it's something you get unless it's been done to you. The way it weighs on you so heavily even when you're throwing everything at it to just go. Dissapear so i wouldn't have to think about it anymore. No, i'm not good at letting things go but fuck do i try. And try and try but what happens when i run out of things to help it. I honestly have no faith in myself that anyone would want to stay with me.

The minute i feel threatened i use my body and i hate that. It doesn't work. An emotional connection is far more dangerous than a physical one, to be honest anyone who things differently is naive. Lust is temporary but love is something different. I'm tired of being worried that there will always be someone prettier or smarter and i don't know how to sort that.

I'm no good at this, i want to love her right and be like i used to. More chill and understanding, i used to not worry so much about things or other people.