I've got a mental plan on how I'm going to get myself through this - if she comes to me when she's ready and tells me she wants to press play again. I'm not going to be a wreck, I'm going to be grounded and just okey. I need to eat. No wallowing In self pity. Get up every day - shower, out the flat, seeing people. 

This is the first time I honestly know that I'm in love with Natalie. Her need out weighs the pain, she needs this. I don't blame her or hate her not for a second. Keeping her as close to my heart as I can for the wait. I want to be in this little waiting room and see what her ticker wants.