It been a long time since i've written any words on paper that have made me feel like i've taken them directly from my head. This could be because it's summer and i might as well be brain dead for the amount i've used it. 

I have this gorgeous, complex and basically indescribable girl who loves me or atleast i hope she loves me. That's the problem, i'm too terrified to become fully aware of everything. The more i fall for her the more raw it becomes and i switch to thinking how much harder it will be when she doesn't come back one day or if someone else ever caught her eye. She's not that person though, she's not. I'm safe and i'm comfortable with kate, i can be totally honest. I think she is probably one of the coolest girls i've ever met.

When i had a migrane she put her sun glasses on and lay on the floor with me, ran out to the shop and got every different kind of pain killer, she put me in the puppy nest and cuddled me then we had shit food because everyone knows thats what you need post migrane. That alone was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. But she saw how cut up i was about the lack of support for the run and got her friends and family to donate, i'm thinking she'd have said nothing if i hadn't of guessed it was her. I've never been loved like this. How can i make her understand that even though i have a past with other people in it, that they are irrelivant now. They aren't you, they aren't kate. 

I don't want to protect myself from her.

iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou

But i'm an insecure mess sometimes and i know that you haven't seen that much yet, and maybe that will be okey or maybe it will make you want to walk away. I'm a giant sap and get hurt so easily from things that shouldn't really. When i pissed you off the other day my heart sank, felt like it litrally sank. I saw you packing and just thought, this is it i've ruined it already. 

I'm thinking maybe this is the one girl who actually cares but i don't want to be wrong again.

Then again i don't want to hold back, i want to throw everything i have into this.

Don't give up on me.

please..