I try not to get greedy when someone tells me they love me but it's hard not to. Seems like everyone has this relationship with there parents where they can be affectionet and they do things like end a phone call with i love you, it's totally allien to me. Nobody gets that if you don't hear it at all and if nobody offers affection then hearing it from one person is going to mean more. It does mean more. Sometimes question if mum, dad and fiona even love me at all but thats stupid right? they kind of have to. I wouldn't blame them if they didn't but they have to be default right? 

I'm a fuck up, and in the end i'm going to do something thats going to make her run a mile. I'm not something anyone can put up with for very long - i'm just on repeat. Nobody will fall in love with the days that i'm a mess for no particular reason and i can never place why or understand that when i'm having a go at them i don't actually mean it i'm just trying to let them know i need them. I can't make anything beautiful, i can't even form a sentance in the right way. I know i don't deserve her,