I shouldn't have asked so much of her time when all i could say was i miss you. Well i miss you now, and i can't escape the fact that my part to play in your leaving me was that i failed the girl i love. I should have spoken soon. Should have got upset less and understood more. At the end of the day it was her choice because she was seeking what she needed. I should take note that no part of that was me.. or she'd call. Maybe someone else has filled the space i used to occupy. The first person she goes to when she needs to talk. The first person she needs. I'll never forgive myself for all the things i didn't do.. shit did i try though. Sat up for hours thinking out solutions to try and help her, to try and make her feel like she was beautiful just for a second so maybe she could feel good about herself. To take her away from her own thoughts and give her a break, to help her feel less awful all the time. Tried to fix her scars and prevent new ones forming. I was stupid enough to believe that it was something loveing her could cure, if it did then she would have been better a long time ago because fuck, do i love every single part of her.

There's two things i keep my secret, one of them being she's the first and only woman who will ever hold my heart entierly. The second that i wont be able to get rid of the guilt that maybe i should have thought even harder about her needs, put her even further than first. Not been part of the problem. I've lost the only truly important person in my life, part of that was down to my own stupidity.

Shes now in the place where she can get help, and she found the courage to heal herself. That's amazing, she's not fighting a losing battle anymore. Maybe she is going to be better than alright soon.
I would lose her a thousand times over. Aslong as she's happy.