Sick of being awake. Can't remember what it's like to sleep properly, to be able to go to bed and actually feel better instead of everything just hitting. And i wish there was some resbite but there isn't and i'll have to pick this shit up but i really don't know how to put myself straight. The migranes making me feel like shit, and i only get them because i can't sleep. I don't want anyone to feel like im there responsability or that they need to stick about if it's not what they want. I want someone to actually want to stay if they are staying. For me.

I miss being touched, physical contact that makes you feel so much better. It doesn't matter how emotionaly fucking stable you are for that. It's not something you can think away - you miss it and you have to deal with it. It's stupid i know and maybe it's because i'm so tired that it actually works, when i'm in the shower i close my eyes and imagen being able to cuddle someone, the kind that people give you after funerals because they don't know what to say and they know it's probably what you need. Something to hold onto. Trying not to lose my shit and i know eventually i'll figure out how to go about things, what i need to do to be able to sleep again or if not then i'll atleast work out how to deal with being tired and the migranes. Work out how to manage the shit tonne of college work without staying up all night doing it.