Wrote this a couple of months back when i had my shit together and it's the head space i need again.

The only person that you should use heal over is yourself. If you got a cut on your arm, you wouldn’t expect someone else to heal your body so why would you expect and cling to people with the expectation that they will make everthing better for you, and heal any pain that isn’t physical. They won’t. You will just sew them into the space like some sort of patch work instead of dealing with it, if that person then leaves then everything will unravel. It helps to have people there to comfort though, to hold you for a while to give you a resbite or to talk things through to unjumble your thoughts. Not to fix it for you, To comfort.

I have to stop getting mad and frustrated at people for not being there on the shit days because frankly it's not there problem even if they say they'll be there, theres no use in it. I found the necklace i used to where, the one she got me for christmas and i put it on for a while. Remember her saying she'd always be right there if i was wearing it, and i know it's all just words in the past now but it helped. I'll take anything that helps. Seriously trying. Not going to go to people, it's not fair and i shouldn't have done it. I can remember how hard it was seeing someone that kind of strange and falling apart, trying to help them and nothing really works unless it comes from yourself. I'm not prepared to take anyone else with me on that one, or to use someone elses care to make me feel better because nobody deserves to be clung to because it helps. Just need to look a little harder into the details, things that are good and i should be appriciating more. Things will be okey again, have to wait and try to do the best with shit.